Dear Seeking Sister,
Here is a poem I created one morning while pleading for forgiveness for my drunkenness the night before. I was talking to God requesting that He simply take my desire for alcohol away. I knew He could do this for me, so as we talked the following poem is what I recorded of that conversation.
I hope you enjoy it. I’d love to hear/read your thoughts about it.
The following is a handwritten prayer that I wrote on an index card. I kept it in my Bible for many years. It is dated July 13, 2009. That is close to 3 years prior to my first day of true sobriety. Continue reading Index Card Prayer – Ephesians 5:18
But the only time you can do it is right now.
Why now?
Because it’s always now, silly.
If you make a decision to quit tomorrow,
it will still be “now,” then.
And once again, your Beast will say,
“Why now? Why never? Why not just one day at a time?”
And you can keep coming back to the problem, forever.
Think it over. You need not respond immediately.
But if you are ready, keep reading.
Here is how to make a Big Plan:
Half-hearted plans to quit for good won’t do.
It’s all or nothing, like jumping off the high dive.
There’s no turning back.
Now, think about the meaning of each of these five words,
“I will never drink/drug again.”
“I” am in control of my muscles. Therefore, “I” call the shots.
“Will” is just my ability to make a decision, which requires no power.
“Never” means eternity, forever, to the last star in the universe.
“Drink/use” is what I will never do
“Again,” which means that this decision is based on my past experience.
Feel the discomfort.
That is your Beast, frightened of you,
horrified at what you are planning.
Now, think about why you are quitting for good.
No new problems caused by drinking or using,
a better life,
better marriage,
more education,
health,
money,
normal relationships,
whatever you hope for.
Feel the hope.
They are not an illusion, a false hope, or a pink cloud.
Those feelings are you.
Trust those feelings of hope.
with as much meaning as you can,
“I will never drink/use again.”
Mean it!
Trust that you will always be able to recognize
an inner longing to drink or use
as your deadly enemy.
Be willing to let your “old friend” suffer and die.
Look at your hands,
which are necessary to consume alcohol or drugs.
Understand that they are under your complete control at all times.
Your Beast has no power over you;
it is a quadriplegic which must appeal to you
in order to convince you to drink or use.
Wiggle your index finger.
Now challenge your Beast to do the same.
Ask yourself, “How bad (depressed, anxious, bored, angry, etc.)
am I willing to get and still not drink/use?
(Hint: Try, “As bad as I feel. That’s how bad I can feel and still not drink or use.)
Get it?
When you state your Big Plan,
you will almost certainly hear
some serious commotion in your head.
It may be angry commotion,
or sadness, or fear,
or bald cynicism like,
“Oh, sure. A likely story.
What a lie.
What a lot of crap this AVRT is.”
That is your Beast in action,
defending itself against the worst thing possible.
You are threatening it, in effect, with death.
Fortunately, it is not you.
You will survive, but IT is certainly upset!
Too bad.
Now, complete your Big Plan by saying it again, with meaning.
Only this time, add,
“…and I will never change my mind.”
Your Beast will get the message.
Humans naturally dominate Beasts, within or without.
Congratulations on your Big Plan!
From here on, your task is simple.
All you do is recognize any thinking or feeling that even remotely suggests that you will drink alcohol or use drugs again.
The “R” is AVRT stands for recognition —
not “removal” or “reasoning against.”
Just recognize those feelings and thinking, the AV, and they will fall silent.
Only when you engage in dialog with the AV, will you have “white knuckles.”
Stay alert for new Beast activity, which may be sudden or gradual. It doesn’t give up easily, and it is a strong opponent. When you feel it struggle within you, it is only your old enemy having a hard time with its new master — you. Your Beast activity will taper off and within a matter of weeks or months abstinence will be effortless.
If you aren’t going to drink or use any more, what would your purpose be in attending recovery meetings?
You will be surprised and fascinated at how much of your thinking is actually your Addictive Voice. You may be stunned to discover how much recovery movement concepts have become part of your Addictive Voice, paving the way for more drinking or using. In fact, your Beast will use the 12-step program as its strongest ally. It will yearn for meetings and tell you that AA is absolutely right, that by taking personal responsibility for abstinence you are proving that you are a very sick person who will inevitably relapse.
Below is a comprehensive, 200-word description of AVRT, providing enough information for you to end your addiction, right now.
Observe your thoughts and feelings, positive and negative, about drinking or using. Thoughts and feelings which support continued use are called the Addictive Voice (AV); those which support abstinence are you. When you recognize and understand your AV, it becomes not-you, but “it,” an easily-defeated enemy that has been causing you to drink. All it wants is pleasure. “I want a drink,” becomes, “It wants a drink.” Think to yourself, “I 
will never drink again,” and listen for its reaction. Your negative thoughts and feelings are your AV talking back to you. Now, think, “I will drink/use whenever I please.” Your pleasant feelings are also the AV, which is in control. Recovery is not a process; it is an event. The magic word is “Never,” as in, “I will never drink/use again.” Recognition defeats short-term desire, and abstinence soon becomes effortless. Complete separation of “you” from “it” leads to complete recovery and hope for a better life. The only time you can drink is now, and the only time you can quit for good is right now. “I will never drink/use again,” becomes, “I never drink now.” It’s not hard; anyone can do it.
Are you starting to get it? AVRT is an insight into the nature of addiction which places you in complete control over the decision to drink or use drugs. Some people figure it out on their own, others learn by reading, as you are here, others learn better in group discussions, and others learn through skilled, personal instruction at Rational Recovery Centers. AVRT, like the Heimlich Maneuver, can save your life, is extremely simple, is based on common sense, and it’s free here at the RR-Web Center.
Although AVRT is very, very simple, you have to know what you’re doing, and learning it can be tricky at first. This is because your AV uses your own intelligence and personality in order to remain concealed from you. It is ruthless in its pursuit of alcohol or drugs, but it can also be quite subtle, forceful, seductive, persistent, patient, and has many other qualities.
It all starts with making a non refundable, non negotiable, Big Plan.
[Source: Rational Recovery]
Our brains (or minds), I have discovered can be both, friend and foe. While actively drinking and knowing I had a problem, but still focused on controlling my drinking, not quitting, just controlling, my own mind acted crazy. By crazy I mean it had a double personality. I had my authentic brain that was my friend and spoke to me with my true voice. I also had a booze brain that was my foe and would harmfully manipulate me.
I discovered I had these two opposing brains over a course of about 15 years of abusing alcohol. I’d wake up with regrets from the night before and I was certain I would not drink alcohol all day and maybe not even tomorrow, heck I should abstain until at least Friday. More importantly, I would think, let’s just not drink today.
“So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me.” – Romans 7:21 NIV
Continue reading My name is Tammy, and I have an AV, but it doesn’t have me!